


Touch My Mind First

by orphan_account



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/F, POV Aster Flores
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24977329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “No, I don’t think that’s dumb at all,” Aster smiles at her. “I feel the same.” In fact, Aster feels almost overwhelmed because she feels more open and exposed around Ellie than she has ever felt, even around her own family. She just doesn’t understand why.orFive times Aster Flores is unsure about her sexuality and one time she isn’t..
Relationships: Aster Flores & Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 14
Kudos: 92





	Touch My Mind First

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I've ever written so comments and critiques are appreciated!

I.  
On the first day of kindergarten, Aster Flores meets a boy named Henry. They reach for a shovel at the same time and an instantaneous friendship is born out of the sandbox. The children’s mothers whisper together about how cute Aster and Henry are, but Aster doesn’t understand what they mean. She wants to build a sandcastle as tall as she is, and Henry is going to help her. She can only wonder what’s cute about that.

II.  
During the Christmas of fourth grade, Aster’s grandmother shows her how to put masa and mole into corn husks and then fold them neatly.

“Mira m’ija,” Aster’s grandmother says. “Once I finish making the tamales your abuelo will put them in the pot and take them out when they’re ready. When we work as a team they get done twice as fast. One day the right boy will come along to help you make tamales and do so much more.”

“But how did you know that abuelito was the right boy for you?” Aster asks.

“He had a good heart,” her grandmother says warmly. She winks and whispers into Aster’s ear, “Plus, he was very handsome.”

Aster is unsure of what made her grandfather-or any boy-handsome, but she guesses that she’ll know when she gets older. After all, her grandmother hasn’t been wrong yet.

III.  
All six graders get to choose one elective class: choir, band, orchestra, or art. Aster loves to sing, but the intricate swirls of white and yellow that make up the still life flower painting above the art teacher’s desk catch her eye, and the moment she paints her first scraggly daisy, the flowers hold her heart. 

She spends each lunch break helping her art teacher, Mrs. Whitmore, mix paints. One day, a woman with flyaway curly hair and skin as dark as her own comes into the art room. Aster pays more attention to this woman’s entrance than she would have of someone else because even at eleven years old she has already become too used to being the only person who looks like her in the room. So when the woman kisses Mrs. Whitmore’s cheek, hands her a brown paper bag, and says “Don’t forget your lunch next time, cariño,” Aster notices. She feels her stomach clench uncomfortably. All of a sudden, that connection she felt with the woman feels fraught. Aster turns back to her paints and puts the woman out of her mind.

IV.  
When Paul starts sending Aster letters, she feels touched. She had never noticed him before, but it felt easier to talk to him through letters and texting than it had ever felt to talk to a boy before, even Trip. When he paints the mural with her, she feels excited. She might not have been attracted to him at first, but she had never been one of those girls who obsessed about what made a boy hot or cute anyway. At least she sees the beauty in the art that they have made together. She takes the painting as a sign that Paul has a beautiful soul, and that should be more than enough.

V.  
Aster and Ellie pile back into Aster’s truck, wringing the spring water out of their shirts. As Aster reaches to turn the radio on, Ellie covers Aster’s hand with her own for a split second to stop her. Ellie’s hand is cold and damp but her touch still feels like an electric shock. Aster turns her head to look at Ellie.

“What?” she asks.

Ellie rubs the back of her neck and looks down at her feet. “I just wanted to say thanks for bringing me here. Sometimes it feels like no one can really get what’s going on in my head. But floating in the water beside you-I don’t know, this might sound dumb-but it felt like we were just two minds touching. Like you understood me, beyond what people see when they look at me or even what I see when I look in a mirror.”

“No, I don’t think that’s dumb at all,” Aster smiles at her. “I feel the same.” In fact, Aster feels almost overwhelmed because she feels more open and exposed around Ellie than she has ever felt, even around her own family. She just doesn’t understand why.

+1  
Watching Ellie walk away from Aster hurts more than she expected. It doesn’t feel like a real goodbye. So it seems inevitable that Ellie turn around for one more unexpected joke or fresh take on philosophy. What Aster doesn’t expect is for Ellie to run at her and kiss her like at the end of a romantic comedy. For a second Aster is frozen. But she feels the weight of Ellie’s hands cupping her face with calluses from playing guitar and the warm press of Ellie’s lips on hers feels somehow soft and bruising all at once and feels more passionate than any makeout with Trip or Paul ever felt and then she thinks, oh. And she kisses Ellie back.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't remember if Aster's ethnicity was mentioned in the Half of It, so in this fic she is Mexican American (hence the tamales and atole at Christmas).
> 
> Translations for the Spanish:
> 
> mira m'hija - look daughter (a term of endearment)
> 
> abuelito - a term of endearment for grandfather
> 
> mole - a kind of filling/sauce
> 
> masa - dough
> 
> tamales - a typical Mexican dish made from stuffing corn husks, commonly eaten during Christmas
> 
> atole - a cornstarch drink, usually drunken with tamales
> 
> cariño - sweetheart


End file.
